Today I thought to myself, whatever happened to that blog of mine? I kind of froze for a minute. It was clear I needed an outlet. I clung to my lime tea refresher like it was my last lifeline to happiness, every gulp of that deadly sweet, paradoxically sour liquid cranked my smile bigger and bigger. But that smile was backed by nothing but sugar. There was no substance behind it, there are simply too many emotions and thoughts that where tied up behind it. And what better of an outlet than my blog?
Honestly, I have no idea where to even start. And actually, thats one of my problems! Im beginning to question my expressive capabilities. I constantly bitch to myself about these people that carry no emotion on their face, regardless of how they feel. If I can see how you feel, its a window to your person, and even if the emotion is sad or angry. When you openly display your emotion around me, that says to me; "I care enough about the people around me to let them know how I feel". And I like that. Granted, there are, without a doubt, exceptions. Some people love to make a big scene, for attention. Others act. They laugh and smile without feeling happy, and vice versa. These instances bother me as well! When I say I want to know how you feel, out of respect, don't lie to me, whether it be verbally or in body language.
Ahhh, but Im flawed. Im a hypocrite. I say that I want to see your emotions, but I have no idea how to express my own! In daily life anyways. In art, theatre, and poetry, I can, once in a while, give you a pretty good idea of the way I feel. But in social situations, I just don't know how exactly to respond, or really how to make conversation for that matter. Im losing my social skills to this woods I've been penned up in. Its usually just awkward. I strive so hard to hang out with friends, but I usually regret it when I do.
Ugh, dinner. Ill continue this later